A Deadly Dialogue Miscue: A Writers Guide

by Kevin Naeyaert (Guest Writer)

                One of the biggest things that can make a piece of writing ring false to me is when the characters are speaking and they say exactly what they mean. Now, honesty in writing is a must for a piece to be effective and to connect with an audience. But that connection can be crippled by dialogue that is too “on the nose” with what the character’s motivation is in the scene. In real life, at least for me, I know what information I’m looking to gain from a situation and conversation, but I cannot come right out and ask for that information without seeming like a weirdo.

You have to nuance it into the conversation with a fitting segue. Or find the truth in the subtext of the conversation. If you come right out and state your question without any sort of lead in or fitting change in topic, that could blindside a person and they could possibly answer differently than they may have if they had been led there in a more gentle way.

An example of being too “on the nose”:

“Oh yeah, and I hate when he sends me CDs of his songs,” Kylie said.

              “I believe it,” Greg said. “It’s like, he should ask you if you even like him first.”

“Kind of…” Kylie said nervously.

“Like, do you like me, for instance?” Greg said.

 

This is far too obvious a switch into Greg asking about Kylie’s feelings for him. He blurts it out and will likely get kicked out of wherever they’re talking (or in the balls).

Here would be a more fitting way of getting to that information:

“Oh yeah, and I hate when he sends me CDs of his songs,” Kylie said.

             “Really?” Greg asked. “Why’s that?”

“Well,” Kylie pondered, “it’s just, like, he should take the time to figure out if I even want to hear his songs before he gives them to me, you know?”

“What would make you want to hear his songs?” Greg asked.

“I guess if I liked him, I wouldn’t mind giving them a listen,” Kylie said. “But…”

“I get that,” Greg agreed. “But he should figure that out first. Like, have you done anything to let him think you like him? What kind of stuff could make him think that, y’know? ”

“I’d probably text him if I’m bored or something. Ask him to hang out sometime. But I haven’t done that in almost a year,” Kylie said.

“Yeah, sounds weird of him to do that since it’s been that long,” Greg said, stoked because Kylie had texted him to come over that day.

This conversation is much better for Greg since he used natural segues to find out what he was looking for. Now he’s likely to continue hanging out with Kylie (and his balls will likely remain unkicked).

So, keep in mind in your dialogue that it’s best to keep from being to straightforward. Keep in mind that no one really comes out and says exactly what they want. Characters need to work to find their objectives in each scene. Don’t let the scene happen for them because in life people don’t get the truth that way. . Be honest without being obvious. Keep it nuanced, work the subtext, and let characters speak like people really do.